it can only be counted on once.

Is today another yesterday?
Tomorrow will be,
In two.
I reminisce into a memory hole,
Networking alone.
What is the past, if not
Whole? Unified?
Beaten into one yesterday
Out of many todays
And soon today.
It is a failing fight
To reach in, grasp a string
Amid the ruthless rigid form.
It chooses for me.
It, my grown child,
Friend and enemy.

-------------------------------------------------

The hands that grasp me are sleeping,
Clamped around my neck
In absence of intentions.
Why are you here?
I am sorry,
Unwilling servant of my enemy.
I will not resist.
Agency works two ways
But only one can see.
Captive of myself
And you.
I drew my own lines;
If I cross,
To whom do I answer?
Slave of agency,
I will let myself lose.

-------------------------------------------------

As if I was not enough,
I tear at the links on either side
Striving for a different chain.
Is it my place
To take hope in a hopelessness
That cannot recover?
When will I learn
To end?
It is the irrevocable
That I hate the most.

-------------------------------------------------

Easier than fighting
Is surrender.
I'll wait as long as I need to,
Because I have nothing else to do.
You'll find me if you look.
Maybe I'll stay.
I have nothing better to do.
What are needs
When we have ourselves?
I'll keep mine.

-------------------------------------------------

It is a strange riddle,
To let go
And be held on to
Without being grasped
And not releasing.
And I have a choice in half the matter,
Only half,
Entirely half.
Where is, and
What is my work?
Who can I trust
In their duty?
I fear them
Because I fear that they are like me.

-------------------------------------------------

I have seen eternities
Interact and detach.
Neverending, it seems.
I know the cycle
Of the realities,
Endless change.
And yet where all these intersect
In now,
I lose all dimension.
I am blind.
Take the present, and cast it aside.
We have all futures.
Where are we?
Threads dancing in
Asynchronous rhythm,
Touch, release,
All things fly in their course.
Where we are becomes where we were,
As infinite as time.
All we are tangent,
Intertwining and releasing
Across eternities.

-------------------------------------------------

All this is a display
For your benefit and mine,
But mine more particularly.
We are all pawns in this game I'm playing,
Me most of all.
Impressions are lies mixed with truth.
Interaction is truth presented in a lie.
I am masked deeper than even I know.
Take this
As a first and last warning:
You have never met me,
And probably never will.

-------------------------------------------------

What is so illuminating
About this darkness?
I see in depth
And clearly, in twisted sight.
In the cider press,
I crush away a bitter juice
Instead of sweet.
I embrace the blackness
To write bad poetry.
Sad.

-------------------------------------------------

I think I am fighting here
Against reality.
And so I do not need to win,
Only endure
Until reality changes.
After all,
This enemy is irrevocable.
And yet,
I have faced worse
And endured.